Thanksgiving Reflection

Today is Thanksgiving…a day where people gather together to eat, drink, watch football, and appreciate all that is good in life.  This year, in thinking about what I’m thankful for, of course the usual comes up, family and friends…but I’m expanding that to include life.  We take it for granted that we exist at all…in this vast universe with billions of galaxies and planets, most of which do not contain life.  We’re on Planet Earth, in the Milkyway Galaxy…where humans exist, and zebras, and redwood trees, and coral reefs, and bees…I can’t think about that and not be in awe.  

I sometimes get so caught up in the stories of my life…in the things I have to do before the weekend, or what to have for lunch, or when to sit down and write that paper, or if that cute girl likes me, and I actually forget how amazing life is.  We as a culture get so caught up in our stories that we’re unknowingly destroying life around us, at an extinction rate of thousands of species per year…such a mass extinction has not occurred for 65 million years (the time of the dinosaurs).  That mass extinction was caused by an asteroid colliding with the planet, this mass extinction is caused by the way humans live on the planet…in mindless overconsumption and severe denial.  Why are our governments and news media not telling us about this?  Because, they’re making money off of our ignorance.  Because our economy’s slogan is “business as usual, no matter what the cost.”  Plain and simple they wont tell us anything that will cut into their profit margin.  

Last year, I decided not to participate in gift giving for Christmas.  Instead I gave everyone cards, and just wrote a personal message in each card.  It was the most gratifying gift I’ve ever given, to actually express my love for someone instead of saying it through a Christmas sweater with a reindeer on it that they’ll probably never wear.  I’ve decided to do it again this year.  I kind of like protesting in this way, it’s subtle yet kind of rockstar-ish.  People are always so shocked when I tell them I don’t want gifts.  The reason I do it is because the most power I have in this country is through the money in my pocket.  What I choose to spend my money on will determine how life unfolds.  Your vote as a consumer is probably more powerful than your vote for government official at this point.  

So this year everyone on my list is getting something made personally by moi.  If I do receive a gift it’s being donated, Mom and Dad, that goes for you too.  I’m not accepting or giving gifts because I believe it will save the planet, so please just indulge me in this.  I’m not trying to say gift giving is bad, but it has turned into a very unhealthy and unconscious habit for us.  With all of the products we create come millions of tons of waste, yearly…we’re dumping toxins on our land in our water and in our air…toxins that are getting into our food and water and our lungs.  

As bad as it is now, we’re making things worse for our children.  I have two nephews that I am absolutely in love with!  They are the most amazing beings on the planet, in my opinion.  I currently only get to see them a few times a year because I live in San Francisco (for school), and they live in Massachusetts.  Not being around to see them grow up is pretty difficult, but they inspire what I do every single day out here.  There isn’t one day where I don’t think about how my actions will affect their future.  Maybe my actions as one human being do not matter in a world of over 7 billion people…or maybe they do.  They did for Jesus, the Buddha, Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Mother Teresa, Rosa Parks, Princess Diana.  Not that I’m comparing myself to them, but my point is they were only one person, and they committed their lives to living against the grain, for the sake of a better world.  All it takes is one person, with one vision to create global change.  

This year I’m thankful for those who live against the grain, who do so even in the face of danger.  I’m totally gonna make a metal reference right now, but Killswitch has a great line in one of their songs, “for the sake of all, it starts with one.”  To all of you, I wish a safe, happy, and healthy holiday season, and I challenge you all to try living against the grain for a day…try doing something other than shopping on Black Friday…maybe you’ll be pleasantly surprised by what life brings.    

God was on Dolores Street

Today it was 75 degrees in San Francisco.  No fog in sight, just pure warmth and sunshine, happy faces and blue skies.  On my way to Dolores Park I fell in love with this world all over again.  I wasn’t worried about our future, I wasn’t hating corporations for their destructive actions, I wasn’t worried about whether or not I have enough money, or will ever be loved again, or will fulfill my purpose in life…I wasn’t worried about anything.  I was completely present to the beauty around me in that moment in time, and it was breathtaking.  Everyone I passed was either smiling or laughing too…enjoying this beautiful Sunday in San Francisco.  It was truly a spiritual experience…I felt connection, oneness, admiration, and gratitude for everything around me, including myself.  I can intellectualize about the existence of God/Divine Presence/Truth any day, but it is in these experiences that I feel as though I actually understand what God or Divine means.  The problem I have with the current religions is that they’re predominantly boring and uninspiring and unempowering.  No one will never truly know or understand God or the Divine without actually having a personal experience.  There’s a time and place for gathering as a community to learn about and pay respect and gratitude to that which we believe gave life to us, but that’s not enough to solidify belief.  Religion in its current form fails because its main focus is to spread “the word” of God, but provides no encouragement or structure around personal exploration.  Christianity and other dominant religions would benefit from increased participation if more people were having these divine, Godlike experiences because when they have them they’ll want that church community to share them with…so Christianity, Judaism, Muslim and other religions have nothing to lose by embracing nature and supporting personal exploration of the Divine.  “Know thyself” should be expanded to “Know thy world.”  Not only does it empower us to know more about the world we live in, but in paying attention to the external world we can better understand ourselves.  It seems that the current religion in America is consumerism because sadly for most people, buying stuff is more personally satisfying than having a connection with God or being on a path of personal growth.  But that’s because religion in its current form can’t promise those personally satisfying experiences.  As someone who was raised in Christianity, I was not at all interested or excited about sitting in church for an hour every Sunday.  I have never had a religious experience while in church, but I have felt the presence of God in Muir Woods, or while watching the sunset at Ocean beach, and on this beautiful day while walking down Dolores Street.  

The Sunset Project

Day 1. Yesterday I decided to watch the sunset at Ocean Beach.  My last attempt was thwarted by the fog, and yesterday was the perfect day for a second attempt.  So, I put on an extra layer of long-johns, a sweatshirt and my winter hat and headed for the beach.  For those of you that don't know, watching a sunset at Ocean Beach is not for the faint of heart...the Northern California coastline is usually windy and chilly...let's just say people don't go there to sunbathe.  Anyway, earlier in the day I was reading Brian Swimme's The Universe Is A Green Dragon and there's a section where Thomas and the youth are discussing how we perceive our world and our universe as something "out there," separate from our self.  Thomas goes on to explain that we are more connected than we think...

Thomas: A hardened mind cannot respond to the presence of the moon.  The moon's riches cannot be tasted, so the moon cannot show itself.  The interaction between the rigid person and the universe is superficial, because the sensitivity is dim.


Youth: So we cripple our sensitivity by thinking that we are separate selves that "have" these images of the moon or whatever?


Thomas: And by assuming that our feelings are just our feelings!  Do you see the mistake here?  The human awareness could never know the throbbing presence of the moon and all the intensity of feelings were it not for the moon itself.  These feelings are as much the creation of the moon as they are of the human.  We partake in the great presence of the night sky, awareness rising out of the interaction.  Our sentience, our feelings of wonder and awe, emerge out of the universe.  We could not feel awe without the grandeur of the universe.  These profound feelings are not just ours, they are the universe reflecting upon itself.

Having just read this passage earlier in the day, I decided I'd go watch the sunset...I needed to go watch the sunset.  To be honest, I needed to watch the sunset because I was having a difficult day.  I was feeling very disconnected from the people in my life, from the place in which I live, and I realized that regardless of what difficulties I'm going through in my life, if I am not in awe or reverence for the Earth or for life in general, at least once a day, then I know I've lost touch with reality...fallen asleep (not literally but consciously).  There is too much beauty in this world to lose touch with it, and beauty isn't even an accurate word...can you really describe with words how epic a sunset is?

Anyway, the sunset last night was truly epic.  I felt as though I was watching a sunset for the first time in my life, and it was because I could appreciate the connection, the interaction of the sun performing in the sky and me participating in its great show just by witnessing...just by absorbing and reflecting its epic beauty.

So, the Sunset Project is going to involve me watching the sunset everyday for a month, and if I can't make it to the beach due to work or school, then I have to do something else that deeply connects me with this Earth...whether it be a hike or going up to my roof deck and looking at the moon.  I'm hoping that this project helps me stay more connected, more passionate and motivated...more alive.  Anyway, I challenge all of you to do something on a daily basis, where you can connect and appreciate this world that we live in, this time that we live in.

"The history of life can be understood as the creation of ever more sensitive creatures in a universe where there is always another dimension of beauty to be felt and savored.  Think of yourself that way, as a supreme power of sensitivity surrounded by magnificence."   -from: The Universe Is A Green Dragon

Reminding Myself

I am amazed by the fact that on a daily basis I have to remind myself of the intensity and importance of being alive right now...that the earth is not just asking me to make some changes, but demanding...begging...pleading for me to make these changes.  It amazes me that sometimes, on a daily basis I lose myself in a habit or I distract and numb myself with entertainment, even when there is such fear, and anger, and destruction going on, worldwide.  I have to remind myself that our survival as a species depends on us waking up to what we're really doing to life, to each other...to ourselves.  And yet I sometimes get caught up...sometimes forget...ignore...purposefully numb.

Today, as someone who considers them-self somewhat awake, I was humbled.  I realized that just like everyone else I just want to be happy...and somedays its easier to ignore than to face the fear of our future.  Its so sad to realize that we all want the same thing.  The specific details vary from person to person, but we all just want happiness and peace of mind...and health...and wealth...and we'd all have that if we saw our true, connected, inter-dependent nature.  If we all really understood, "what I do to others I do to myself," then the world would be a much better place.  Who I am and what I choose to do has effects on this planet and other people to a degree that I cannot possibly imagine.  And that also applies to time...how I live my life now has an impact upon generations and generations of people...on my great great great great grandchildren.  Sometimes that realization is really unbearable...terrifying...frustrating...filled with sorrow...and I realized today, that its ok to have these days when I disconnect...days when I step away from the intensity that can exist in this planet time.  I realized that sometimes I just need a day or two off.

Today the Bay area reached a beautiful and unusually warm 89 degrees.  Kristi and I ended up on a blanket underneath a tree at Marlin Park in Foster City.  We laid on the blanket in the cool shade for at least an hour...just appreciating how amazing it feels to lay under a tree on a warm sunny day on this amazing earth.  I realized that the two of us probably wouldn't have had this great experience if we didn't have mono and needed to nap every 20 minutes.  I'm certainly not saying thanks for getting mono, however, just to look on the positive side, its really provided me the space to slow down and appreciate my life and my surroundings.  It also helped me realize that its ok to take a break once in a while...to rest and rejuvenate from the stress of trying to awaken a species that is on a freight train headed for a brick wall.

Yes, its ok to take the weekend off, if it means I will come back on monday more inspired and energized than I was on friday, and that is certainly the case this week.  I'm so grateful for this weekend and the people in my life that give me so much happiness and meaning...and for the reminders I get of how important it is to not only be a change agent during this time of existence, but to also rest and rejuvenate and re-energize because as Joanna Macy says, "there's great work to be done."    

Fully Charged.

Yesterday I returned to San Francisco from my two week trip back home.  It was the first time I had been home since moving out here six months ago.  Reflecting on the two weeks I was filled with a mixture of paradoxical emotions...glad to be back in this city I now call home but already missing my family and friends...grateful to have made the trip but anxious and frustrated with how expensive it was...exhausted from traveling but energized and reaffirmed in my purpose out here.  Maybe it was jet-lag induced but I felt quite bipolar.  I knew before my trip that it would be difficult to see everyone and then leave them again, but sitting in my apartment 3,000 miles away, I realized that I am out here not just for myself, but for everyone I left back east.  Yes, I came here because I wanted a change, I wanted to become a better person, I wanted to live a more fulfilling life..but I also came here to make some sort of positive impact on this world.  I'm out here so that I can help make this world a better place for everyone, especially my family and friends...my nieces and nephews who will have to live in a world that we leave behind for them...a world that currently isn't looking that great.  Going home helped me realize this and it is what will keep me going while I'm out here.

I am so grateful for all the people I got to see and sorry for those I didn't.  Two weeks went by a lot quicker than I thought, and an unexpected case of mono required that I sleep and rest more than I would've liked to.  However, in spite of swollen tonsils the size of golf balls and feeling like an 80 year old woman for most of the trip, I have some amazing memories.  Happiness is indeed a choice and it is the most infectious and powerful state of mind we can choose to possess.  Thank you to all my friends in Boston, including the new ones, for helping me find that happiness in spite of not feeling well...Hooker, Chubby Bunny, Hef dancing, Left-eye Lopez attempting horseshoes, Brenna and Jo...and the seagulls, family week in ptown, campfire on the beach...the dancing of One-winged Jo and Boat-tips..."star gazing mothafuckas!"  To my family, I couldn't ask for a better one, thanks for everything.  Til next time...you guys rock.

"To choose life in this planet-time is a mighty adventure.  As people in all countries and walks of life are discovering, this adventure elicits more courage and enlivening solidarity than any military campaign...This multifaceted human activity on behalf of life may not make today's headlines or newscasts, but to our progeny it will matter more than anything else we do.  For if there is to be a livable world for those who come after us, it will be because we have managed to make the transition from the Industrial Growth Society to a Life-sustaining Society.  When people of the future look back at this historical moment, they will see, perhaps more clearly than we can now, how revolutionary it is.  They may well call it the time of the Great Turning."  -Joanna Macy & Molly Young Brown, "Coming Back to Life"

Be the Change...

I have decided to personally boycott corporations (as much as possible) in an effort to “be the change I wish to see in this world.”  Since moving to San Francisco to study philosophy and consciousness, I have been called on more than one occasion to learn about and understand the current issues we face on this planet, namely the environmental destruction.  I have been struggling with trying to figure out what I can do to make the most positive impact…and my thoughts have constantly been around awakening everyone else to the issue.   Although a noble task, I realized that’s not what I’m needed to do.  I’ve decided that I can wish for universal awakening until the day I die, but if I consider myself currently “awake” and haven’t made any changes in my own life, why should I expect anyone else to?  That being said, I’m no longer buying products first hand (except underwear…and razors…that would just be gross to buy used).  Everything else will be purchased used, or at second hand stores, or if I really need something new I will buy it from a local business (preferably a co-op).  I no longer own a car and am lucky enough to live in a city that doesn’t require heating or cooling of my apartment, so I’m only purchasing oil when I need a zip car. 

Maybe some of you are wondering why I’m being so intense about this…or why I’m doing this at all.  So, here are a few excerpts from a current book I’m reading: “Blessed Unrest,” by Paul Hawken.  This is just a light overview of the problems we currently face, but choose to ignore. 

“Most of the world’s economies and governments are under the control of corporations, which seem to be successfully tightening their grasp; at the same time the world itself is increasingly out of control.  The corporatization of the world means the loss of economic and cultural diversity.  Historian Arnold Toynbee cautioned that civilization is a movement, not a condition, and the rise of uniformity consistently marks its decline.”  -Paul Hawken 

“The United States has the worst social record of any developed country in the world, and it is worse than that of many developing countries.  By almost any measure of well-being, the United States brings up the rear:  It is number one in prison population (726 prison inmates per 100,000 people vs. 91 in France and 58 in Japan); first in teen pregnancies, drug use, child hunger, poverty, illiteracy, obesity, diabetes, use of antidepressants, income disparity, violence, firearms death, military spending, hazardous waste production, recorded rapes, and the poor quality of its schools. (The United States is the only country in the world besides Iraq where schools need metal detectors).”  -Paul Hawken

“If we measure western culture by how it has treated people of different ethnicity and race, it is anathema.  If we judge it by the treatment of its own people, including children, the elderly, and the poor, it is an embarrassment.  And if we try to calibrate American superiority by its treatment of the environment, the United States is one of the least intelligent civilizations in the history of the planet.”  

-Paul Hawken 

“The Earth is not dying—it is being killed.  And the people who are killing it have names and addresses.”  -U. Utah Phillips

“One’s tax, or one’s consumer dollar does not simply disappear into the coffers of a faraway government or a spectral corporation; it funds acts that may be immoral, and the funder must therefore acknowledge his/her role as an accomplice.” –Evan Carton

I believe there is a better way to live on this planet that is better for everyone and not just the rich and powerful few.  I don’t have all the answers as to how to make it better or even what should be done…but in the meantime I refuse to support disgustingly rich men and women get richer when I am struggling, my family and friends are struggling, people around the world are struggling.  The easiest way to change our world is to protest the institutions that are destroying it, i.e. the corporations.  There’s a saying in the consumer world that every day people vote, they vote with their dollars…so I vote for life, for sustainability, for equality, for the right of every individual on this planet to express life, liberty, and happiness in a clean environment.  This is why I am no longer buying first hand goods/products, or using a car for the majority of my transportation.  I believe we can demand a better way by not engaging in the current one. 

“Inspiration is not garnered from the recitation of what is flawed; it resides, rather, in humanity’s willingness to restore, redress, reform, rebuild, recover, re-imagine, and reconsider.”   -Paul Hawken

If any of you feel inspired to join me in this boycott, this protest, this “Great Turning” movement then let me know.  If you don’t wish to join me that is ok too, but I ask that you don’t buy me any first hand products/clothes/trinkets/etc even as gifts.  They will be donated to those less fortunate. 

Thanks for reading and thanks for your help.   

A Call to Action

Yesterday was the 40^th anniversary of earth day.  While there are many reasons to feel worried about the current state we’re in on this planet and the potential path we’re headed down, I’m instead inspired and grateful to be alive during such a critical point in time.  Much of this excitement and inspiration is due to hearing John and Ocean Robbins speak last night during the Earth Day Celebration at the Brower Center in Berkeley. 

John and Ocean challenged us all to consider what it means to be a partner instead of a competitor.  In the world today we seem to have embodied this idea of competition as part of our reality…part of who we are.  It’s always us versus them, or me versus you, when in reality there is no them or you.  We are all connected in one way or another and we all depend on each other in some way for survival.  Even “Survivorman” on the Discovery channel only braves the wilderness for a few days before returning back to society.  When you think about relationships as partnerships it takes the competition out of the equation.  Its no longer about me and my gain, its about us.  The questions start to shift from: What am I getting out of this?  To:  What role am I playing in this situation?  What can I bring to this partnership so that we grow? 

One of the most important questions we can ask ourselves is:  What am I bringing to the partnership with myself?  Am I being judgmental, impatient, critical?  Am I lethargic and stagnant because life isn’t going the way I expected?  Or, am I nurturing, supportive, and honoring who I am?  Am I choosing to move forward in spite of what difficult situations are present?  I thought about the relationship I had with myself because if I’m not partnering with myself I’m not going to be very useful in engaging anyone else.  I recognized that I was more often than not a competitor. 

My battles range from getting myself to sit in meditation on a regular basis to finishing that paper, to exercising and eating healthy…and the list goes on.  One thing that Ocean said last night was, “if you see a problem that’s not a reason to despair, that’s a call to action.”  So instead of being crippled by the potentially overwhelming question “where do I even start?”  I was grateful and inspired by this awakening moment and used that energy to act.   

I decided to deal with an overdue credit card that I had been avoiding for weeks.  Every time I’d see their number come up on my cell phone it would evoke anger and anxiety.  “I’ll deal with it later,” was my motto.  But in continually putting it off, I developed a mind of fear and avoidance that just fueled more irrational and negative thoughts.  I started to think I would need to get another job; that I wouldn’t be able to afford the school retreat to Esalen in the fall; that I wouldn’t be able to enjoy my life in San Francisco because of this debt. When I finally decided to make the call I wasn’t anxious or stressed.  I was finally ready to deal with the situation…I was finally ready to partner with it.  I gave them the information they needed along with my payment and once the conversation was over a huge weight was lifted. 

I was amazed by how easy it was to accomplish something once I accepted what was really there.  I think one of the most important things we can all do for ourselves and for the sake of this world is to be present and to really assess what’s going on.   What are we bringing to our partnership with reality?  Are we accepting and supporting the present moment or are we avoiding it and exacerbating it?

When we ask these questions in relation to our society and our planet, we’ll be present enough to hear what we already know deep within the souls of our being.  We can’t be in partnership with our society when some of our neighbors are struggling to make ends meet and others are homeless and hungry.  We can’t be in partnership with this planet and continue to mindlessly consume and waste and deplete our resources.  So, I for one am excited to meet this challenge and to find creative ways to partner with the current state of our world.