Reminding Myself

I am amazed by the fact that on a daily basis I have to remind myself of the intensity and importance of being alive right now...that the earth is not just asking me to make some changes, but demanding...begging...pleading for me to make these changes.  It amazes me that sometimes, on a daily basis I lose myself in a habit or I distract and numb myself with entertainment, even when there is such fear, and anger, and destruction going on, worldwide.  I have to remind myself that our survival as a species depends on us waking up to what we're really doing to life, to each other...to ourselves.  And yet I sometimes get caught up...sometimes forget...ignore...purposefully numb.

Today, as someone who considers them-self somewhat awake, I was humbled.  I realized that just like everyone else I just want to be happy...and somedays its easier to ignore than to face the fear of our future.  Its so sad to realize that we all want the same thing.  The specific details vary from person to person, but we all just want happiness and peace of mind...and health...and wealth...and we'd all have that if we saw our true, connected, inter-dependent nature.  If we all really understood, "what I do to others I do to myself," then the world would be a much better place.  Who I am and what I choose to do has effects on this planet and other people to a degree that I cannot possibly imagine.  And that also applies to time...how I live my life now has an impact upon generations and generations of people...on my great great great great grandchildren.  Sometimes that realization is really unbearable...terrifying...frustrating...filled with sorrow...and I realized today, that its ok to have these days when I disconnect...days when I step away from the intensity that can exist in this planet time.  I realized that sometimes I just need a day or two off.

Today the Bay area reached a beautiful and unusually warm 89 degrees.  Kristi and I ended up on a blanket underneath a tree at Marlin Park in Foster City.  We laid on the blanket in the cool shade for at least an hour...just appreciating how amazing it feels to lay under a tree on a warm sunny day on this amazing earth.  I realized that the two of us probably wouldn't have had this great experience if we didn't have mono and needed to nap every 20 minutes.  I'm certainly not saying thanks for getting mono, however, just to look on the positive side, its really provided me the space to slow down and appreciate my life and my surroundings.  It also helped me realize that its ok to take a break once in a while...to rest and rejuvenate from the stress of trying to awaken a species that is on a freight train headed for a brick wall.

Yes, its ok to take the weekend off, if it means I will come back on monday more inspired and energized than I was on friday, and that is certainly the case this week.  I'm so grateful for this weekend and the people in my life that give me so much happiness and meaning...and for the reminders I get of how important it is to not only be a change agent during this time of existence, but to also rest and rejuvenate and re-energize because as Joanna Macy says, "there's great work to be done."