The Sunset Project

Day 1. Yesterday I decided to watch the sunset at Ocean Beach.  My last attempt was thwarted by the fog, and yesterday was the perfect day for a second attempt.  So, I put on an extra layer of long-johns, a sweatshirt and my winter hat and headed for the beach.  For those of you that don't know, watching a sunset at Ocean Beach is not for the faint of heart...the Northern California coastline is usually windy and chilly...let's just say people don't go there to sunbathe.  Anyway, earlier in the day I was reading Brian Swimme's The Universe Is A Green Dragon and there's a section where Thomas and the youth are discussing how we perceive our world and our universe as something "out there," separate from our self.  Thomas goes on to explain that we are more connected than we think...

Thomas: A hardened mind cannot respond to the presence of the moon.  The moon's riches cannot be tasted, so the moon cannot show itself.  The interaction between the rigid person and the universe is superficial, because the sensitivity is dim.


Youth: So we cripple our sensitivity by thinking that we are separate selves that "have" these images of the moon or whatever?


Thomas: And by assuming that our feelings are just our feelings!  Do you see the mistake here?  The human awareness could never know the throbbing presence of the moon and all the intensity of feelings were it not for the moon itself.  These feelings are as much the creation of the moon as they are of the human.  We partake in the great presence of the night sky, awareness rising out of the interaction.  Our sentience, our feelings of wonder and awe, emerge out of the universe.  We could not feel awe without the grandeur of the universe.  These profound feelings are not just ours, they are the universe reflecting upon itself.

Having just read this passage earlier in the day, I decided I'd go watch the sunset...I needed to go watch the sunset.  To be honest, I needed to watch the sunset because I was having a difficult day.  I was feeling very disconnected from the people in my life, from the place in which I live, and I realized that regardless of what difficulties I'm going through in my life, if I am not in awe or reverence for the Earth or for life in general, at least once a day, then I know I've lost touch with reality...fallen asleep (not literally but consciously).  There is too much beauty in this world to lose touch with it, and beauty isn't even an accurate word...can you really describe with words how epic a sunset is?

Anyway, the sunset last night was truly epic.  I felt as though I was watching a sunset for the first time in my life, and it was because I could appreciate the connection, the interaction of the sun performing in the sky and me participating in its great show just by witnessing...just by absorbing and reflecting its epic beauty.

So, the Sunset Project is going to involve me watching the sunset everyday for a month, and if I can't make it to the beach due to work or school, then I have to do something else that deeply connects me with this Earth...whether it be a hike or going up to my roof deck and looking at the moon.  I'm hoping that this project helps me stay more connected, more passionate and motivated...more alive.  Anyway, I challenge all of you to do something on a daily basis, where you can connect and appreciate this world that we live in, this time that we live in.

"The history of life can be understood as the creation of ever more sensitive creatures in a universe where there is always another dimension of beauty to be felt and savored.  Think of yourself that way, as a supreme power of sensitivity surrounded by magnificence."   -from: The Universe Is A Green Dragon

Reminding Myself

I am amazed by the fact that on a daily basis I have to remind myself of the intensity and importance of being alive right now...that the earth is not just asking me to make some changes, but demanding...begging...pleading for me to make these changes.  It amazes me that sometimes, on a daily basis I lose myself in a habit or I distract and numb myself with entertainment, even when there is such fear, and anger, and destruction going on, worldwide.  I have to remind myself that our survival as a species depends on us waking up to what we're really doing to life, to each other...to ourselves.  And yet I sometimes get caught up...sometimes forget...ignore...purposefully numb.

Today, as someone who considers them-self somewhat awake, I was humbled.  I realized that just like everyone else I just want to be happy...and somedays its easier to ignore than to face the fear of our future.  Its so sad to realize that we all want the same thing.  The specific details vary from person to person, but we all just want happiness and peace of mind...and health...and wealth...and we'd all have that if we saw our true, connected, inter-dependent nature.  If we all really understood, "what I do to others I do to myself," then the world would be a much better place.  Who I am and what I choose to do has effects on this planet and other people to a degree that I cannot possibly imagine.  And that also applies to time...how I live my life now has an impact upon generations and generations of people...on my great great great great grandchildren.  Sometimes that realization is really unbearable...terrifying...frustrating...filled with sorrow...and I realized today, that its ok to have these days when I disconnect...days when I step away from the intensity that can exist in this planet time.  I realized that sometimes I just need a day or two off.

Today the Bay area reached a beautiful and unusually warm 89 degrees.  Kristi and I ended up on a blanket underneath a tree at Marlin Park in Foster City.  We laid on the blanket in the cool shade for at least an hour...just appreciating how amazing it feels to lay under a tree on a warm sunny day on this amazing earth.  I realized that the two of us probably wouldn't have had this great experience if we didn't have mono and needed to nap every 20 minutes.  I'm certainly not saying thanks for getting mono, however, just to look on the positive side, its really provided me the space to slow down and appreciate my life and my surroundings.  It also helped me realize that its ok to take a break once in a while...to rest and rejuvenate from the stress of trying to awaken a species that is on a freight train headed for a brick wall.

Yes, its ok to take the weekend off, if it means I will come back on monday more inspired and energized than I was on friday, and that is certainly the case this week.  I'm so grateful for this weekend and the people in my life that give me so much happiness and meaning...and for the reminders I get of how important it is to not only be a change agent during this time of existence, but to also rest and rejuvenate and re-energize because as Joanna Macy says, "there's great work to be done."    

Fully Charged.

Yesterday I returned to San Francisco from my two week trip back home.  It was the first time I had been home since moving out here six months ago.  Reflecting on the two weeks I was filled with a mixture of paradoxical emotions...glad to be back in this city I now call home but already missing my family and friends...grateful to have made the trip but anxious and frustrated with how expensive it was...exhausted from traveling but energized and reaffirmed in my purpose out here.  Maybe it was jet-lag induced but I felt quite bipolar.  I knew before my trip that it would be difficult to see everyone and then leave them again, but sitting in my apartment 3,000 miles away, I realized that I am out here not just for myself, but for everyone I left back east.  Yes, I came here because I wanted a change, I wanted to become a better person, I wanted to live a more fulfilling life..but I also came here to make some sort of positive impact on this world.  I'm out here so that I can help make this world a better place for everyone, especially my family and friends...my nieces and nephews who will have to live in a world that we leave behind for them...a world that currently isn't looking that great.  Going home helped me realize this and it is what will keep me going while I'm out here.

I am so grateful for all the people I got to see and sorry for those I didn't.  Two weeks went by a lot quicker than I thought, and an unexpected case of mono required that I sleep and rest more than I would've liked to.  However, in spite of swollen tonsils the size of golf balls and feeling like an 80 year old woman for most of the trip, I have some amazing memories.  Happiness is indeed a choice and it is the most infectious and powerful state of mind we can choose to possess.  Thank you to all my friends in Boston, including the new ones, for helping me find that happiness in spite of not feeling well...Hooker, Chubby Bunny, Hef dancing, Left-eye Lopez attempting horseshoes, Brenna and Jo...and the seagulls, family week in ptown, campfire on the beach...the dancing of One-winged Jo and Boat-tips..."star gazing mothafuckas!"  To my family, I couldn't ask for a better one, thanks for everything.  Til next time...you guys rock.

"To choose life in this planet-time is a mighty adventure.  As people in all countries and walks of life are discovering, this adventure elicits more courage and enlivening solidarity than any military campaign...This multifaceted human activity on behalf of life may not make today's headlines or newscasts, but to our progeny it will matter more than anything else we do.  For if there is to be a livable world for those who come after us, it will be because we have managed to make the transition from the Industrial Growth Society to a Life-sustaining Society.  When people of the future look back at this historical moment, they will see, perhaps more clearly than we can now, how revolutionary it is.  They may well call it the time of the Great Turning."  -Joanna Macy & Molly Young Brown, "Coming Back to Life"